Electric Powered Bumper Cars, for home use.
<pause>
Yes, let me just give you a moment to think about this one, or perhaps, to recompose yourself if you’re a parent (one who’s not high all the time, or overcompensating) or if you’ve ever babysat for even ten minutes in your life.
</pause>
Whoo. OK, now, let me just give credit where credit is due: the makers of the Electric-Powered Bumper Car thoughfully opted not to power these with butane.
I think that’s about the only thing they got right– that, and the primal cry of bumper-car rage that is writ bold across the face of the tyke in the foreground.
Seriously, can I see a show of bruised and mis-set hands? How many among us can remember at least one childhood acquaintance who broke an arm riding bumper cars? OK, now a second showing, who wants to bring that excitement home from the amusement park next time?
At 65 watts, these things use more power than the comprooter I’m typing thise on. Factor that up with the gas you’ll use rushing the kids to the emergency room, the operational overhead you’ll use up at the hospital, the specific water and materials it will take to produce the casts, and this is not sustainable enjoyment for the whole family, even if you deduct the calories you won’t have to burn at the gym after wearing yourself out tearing apart the two bloodthirsty demons inhabiting the empty skins of your screaming children.
That’s how it woulda gone down in my house as a kid, anyway. 2mph isn’t very fast, but in the heat of the moment, not even my mom could have stopped us getting out and giving these cars a running push if necessary. And talk about hotwiring? My brother was handy with pliers from age two. That 3-up age limit ain’t preventing nothin’. Those ladybugs look angry for a reason.
Comments
Comment from emily
Time: March 14, 2007, 6:19 pm
I WANT ONE!!! I PROMISE I’LL PLAY NICE WITH THE OTHERS!!!
Comment from brokenengine
Time: March 16, 2007, 12:07 pm
The kid in me (which asmittedly still owns at least 54% of my adult brain…ok, 64%…OKAY, 74%) is saying “WHEEEE! I WANT ONNNNNNNNE!!!”, and the parent in me is saying “Goddamned, what tortuous new fangled death trap will Max be screaming at me to let him kill himself with?”
“*NEW FROM MATELL!!!* The Deer Hunter, the game! Now, enjoy Russian Roulette with friends and family!! (plastic tarpaulin, cleaning supplies and memorial service not included)
Comment from andrew
Time: March 16, 2007, 2:41 pm
My brothers and I would have demolished those things. The only toys that we didn’t turn into broken, bent, mangled plastic were Tonka trucks. My brothers once used a cast-iron fire hydrant from the Tonka firetruck set to dig their way through plaster, insulation and nigh on a 1/4″ of brick in our 6th floor apartment wall. Children, at least some children, are basically elastics powered by sugar and boredom, and are far more resillient than anything plastic, most things wood, some metal stuff, and occasionally concrete.
Comment from Jill
Time: March 16, 2007, 2:57 pm
Ah, the comments are making me laugh this week.
You know they’re making Tonka trucks out of plastic now? What’s the point/fun in that.
Comment from lauralyn
Time: March 16, 2007, 4:46 pm
I knew about the tonka Trucks being plastic now. I sort of think “pity” cause they rocked. But then I think of not wearing my glasses and walking into/onto one in the night as a certain small person cries “MOMMMMMY!”. I personally think they safetied up the toys from when we were kids so parents wouldn’t die! Kids have way more toys than they used to (and not always at the parents’ fault - we give new toys to charity and still have too many) and with everyone being so busy.. sorry, clean laundry trumps clean room any day.
But bumper cars?! Who has this space? I couldn’t even justify the ‘fun saucer’… we just had the jolly jumper - cause it fits IN a DOOR.
Oh my chinchilla.
Comment from Jill
Time: March 17, 2007, 12:30 am
That is exactly the quality I look for in SkyMall products– not so much a je ne sais quoi? as a qui aurait de l’espace?
Comment from mcus
Time: March 28, 2007, 4:53 pm
That’s the perfect gift to all my friends with kids! These things will destroy their homes! What a prank!
Write a comment