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Because The Delightful Rapper, More Or Les and I are getting married next April, I’ve been looking through lists upon lists of First Dance songs.

Actually, it’s just one list because the same top-twenty celebration-of-schmaltz has been republished online a billion times.

It’s unclear how this list was compiled– whether there is at this moment, a live-updating database tracking the number of times any given song is chosen for First Dancing, or whether someone once made something up only to have it made gospel by an army of lazy plagiarists.

One thing is certain: thanks to this tyranny, couples the world over are terrorized by the fear that their Special Day(TM) will not be complete until it’s been validated by 98 Degrees or the one-two punch of Barbara Streisand & Brian Adams, together.

But my beloved and I are unique, and we feel that if we are to make a true personal statement with our first song, we need to go offroad and make a list of our own.

To that end, we have each sat down, thought about it, gone through our record collections, done some research, beefed up our mp3 library on iTunes and come up with the following short list of ten songs, one of which will hopefully become The One defining song that declares our Love to our friends and family in the sharpest, most glowing light possible.

I present to you:

Wedding Songs for the Despair Generation

If it moves you, I encourage you to download the list from iTunes.

1. Theme from “Shaft” – Isaac Hayes
   “He’s a complicated man but no one understands him but his woman”
2. Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off – Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
   Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong: was there ever been a more amazing musical partnership?
3. Killing In the Name – Rage Against the Machine
   I don’t know why, but this song always makes me feel really happy. I also find that it’s great for getting a party jumping.
4. Ladies Night – Kool & The Gang
   Ladies’ Night naturally follows Killing In The Name because I love the way these two songs mix together, and let’s face it: weddings are so not about the groom anymore.
5. She’z In Control – Chromeo
   Ditto. MY wedding is MY special day, dammit. Plus, Chromeo is totally wicked, and would give me a chance to rep Montreal even though the wedding will take place in Toronto.
6. Love Is a Battlefield – Pat Benatar
   “No promises.” Doesn’t that whispered lyric just say it all?
7. Cold As Ice – Foreigner
   Have you heard the first four bars of this song? They are totally sample-able. I think think the rapper in Les will get a kick out of that.
8. Poison – Bell Biv DeVoe
   This one is always so popular at Never Forgive Action, the classic hip hop night that Les deejays. Also, his running man is totally kickass, and I, for one, would be willing to put in the effort to learn how to match it on our special day.
9. Kissing a Fool – George Michael
   Because we have to get a balad on this list somehow.
10. I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’ – Scissor Sisters
    A little irony never hurt anyone. Besides, I don’t think we need to be too literal with the whole “love” theme.
11. *BONUS TRACK!* Black Steel In the Hour of Chaos – Public Enemy
    Les chose this one himself, and I can see why: incarceration, mistrust of the governement??? I know that’s what I’ll be thinking about when I walk down the aisle.

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