It has been brought to my attention that I currently look pregnant when I wear certain of my favourite dresses.
I first noticed it myself in this photo:
And it was confirmed for me today on the Dufferin bus when another woman around my age spontaneously and completely without judgement sprang from her seat to offer it to me.
Who said chivalry is dead?
If you ask me, I make a rather ravishing pregnant lady, except, of course, that I am emphatically not pregnant. I am merely satisfied with my life, and I haven’t been shopping in a really long time.
This didn’t stop me from coming home and spending at least half an hour examining my apparently prodigious belly from every angle, holding it in, letting it out, occasionally cradling it a la Demi Moore Vanity Fair cover, circa 1991.
This prompted the Delightful Rapper to poke his head around the doorway at intervals, intoning, “Stop it! You are not with child. YOU ARE NOT WITH CHILD!”
“What should I do” I asked him. “I guess I have to be more careful about dressing myself? I could stop pairing empire waists with flat shoes.”
“We could move to America�” he volunteered, his voice trailing off.
But that wouldn’t really help, because famous people live in America and famous people are so often subjected to this treatment:
Ultimately, I will probably do very little, as
- I know I’ve actually been heavier and not looked pregnant
- The machine at the gym insists my fitness is “above average,” despite this appearance I have of perpetually gestating human life.
- Vegans everywhere will thank me someday for shattering the image of the emaciated, anemic vegan.
Comments
Comment from brokenengine
Time: July 21, 2006, 11:39 am
Pregnant women are sexy.
Just my $.02
Comment from Jill
Time: July 21, 2006, 9:47 pm
Absolutely. And that is what’s most important here.
Comment from melody
Time: July 22, 2006, 8:37 pm
I love this… I think you look beautiful.. and I love your attitude here and the “We could move to America”.. hilarious..
I came here from the PPK boards.
Comment from Jill
Time: July 22, 2006, 10:11 pm
Thanks melody. By the way, I loved your story about the white bread, on your blog.
Comment from lauralyn
Time: August 2, 2006, 2:00 pm
don`t worry jill, you don`t look pregnant. Unless you are pregnant, then you should worry. Except that you wouldn`t, the damn hormones keep you from worrying.
L
Comment from Jill
Time: August 2, 2006, 2:29 pm
mmm… hormones.
Comment from Sarah
Time: August 8, 2006, 3:51 am
I once wore a top that I thought was nice, until I was accosted by an older Spanish woman in a restaurant bathroom who asked when I was due. I did not have the well balanced, secure reaction you did, and spent the rest of the evening scowling and refusing food.
Hi from London by the way!
Comment from Jill
Time: August 8, 2006, 10:39 pm
Was it an empire-waisted shirt, Sarah? It was, wasn’t it.
Where do you get balanced and secure out of an entire afternoon spent cradling my not-with-child belly?
Please! I am merely acting on my resolution to no longer be embarassed by bad photos of myself.
And you do not look pregnant by any stretch of the imagination. It’s the empire. It’s the damn empire.
Comment from Sarah
Time: August 9, 2006, 5:28 pm
it WAS an empire waist! Maybe not the best line for the more generously breasted?
Your sense of humour and aplomb indicate security. I wish I could say the same for some (ok, one) character I encountered while here in London.